I am Insane!!!!!

Please help for I am going to break myself. I feel I am made of glass and a bull is running at me. I have worked like 90 some hours and I may soon colapse but here is my insight for all those who care.

Do not eat moon pies on the moon. Take a drink of water only to piss it out. What goes around comes around and usually bites you in the ass. Blood is thicker than water unless your a helium balloon. Monkeys may be able to do my job but they only work 20 hours a week. If aliens invade I think they will be fish. Don't hate the penguin for the penguin has a strong pimp hand. life IS like a box of chocolates:::covered in brown SHIT and sprinkled with nuts. Take only what you need and all of his too. Women hurt my head, but somehow ^ this^ all makes sense to me. Tell me something dirty so I can reject you and laugh in your face. It hurts when you fall so try not to. Love is like an egg because although you know it is fragile, you also know that if you break it, there is eleven more in the box. Maybe there is life on mars. Maybe roadrunner will one day fall victim to that hungry Coyot. Maybe one day I will know more about the one I love that they know about themselves.  AND!!!! Maybe life is what you make of it and you should just do your best to be happy and not worry monkeys or moon pies.

Well I don't have alot of time right now but I know there are some friends who I need to make time for. Please forgive me if I have not been good about keeping in touch lately. Here is my latest ramble. I hope you like it : )

The following is deep. Real deep. please continue with caution. I warn you, it's deep. did I mention how deep I get in about a minute? maybe I should remind you just how deep I am about to get. REAL DEEP!!!!!

It came to me today that I really hate religion. I love God but I hate how people feel the only right religion is the one they prefer. It is like they live in fear of their religion. I was talking with someone who made it sound like his religion dictates that Jesus will come and take those who believe he is God and they will be safe. As if to say all people are required to feel this way. But in places in the bible, I believe Jesus is quoted saying "do not worship me," " worship God." I am getting to the point where I am considering starting my own religion called the "Church of only God." I think religion was created by evil to cause us to disagree about our God. Every religion has a God so therefore I feel God is a reality but the lifestyle requirements that are placed on us within a religion can be overwhelming and in some cases scary.  I feel that if you know God personally, he will tell you what to do and what not to do. All you need is but to listen, ask for forgiveness, and give thanks becuase that is all our heavenly father wants from us. He knows we will all make mistakes. He knows we will stumble into the house at 5:00am with a hangover and an STD. But what many don't know is that God loves everyone no matter what. All you have to do is acknowledge that and establish a personal relationship with him and you will be forgiven.

I feel down,,,, I feel abused,,,,,,I feel emotionally unsettled and my head is spinning in soooo many directions...

I feel like admitting that I still love her. I feel like chasing after her. I feel like showing her that there is not another soul that will love her like I do. But wh

at I feel like doing and what I actually do, are worlds apart.

The truth is, all I really want is for her to be happy. If that means never seeing her again, then that is what I will do. If that means never looking at another woman, then that is what I will do.  

I cant stop what has happend. I cannot control the way I feel. I can only hope that on day she will open her eyes and see, that what I have to offer her may not be what she wants, but it may be what she needs.

I will forgive her for the pain. I will forgive her for the torture. But I can never forgive her for the confusion. The hope with pain. The love with hate. The joy with sorrow. It kills me everyday.

What should I do? What should I say? Or have I said it already? Soon it will not matter for I will find another and move past what we had .I will give up the fight and let her slip from my fingers. I will be gone.

I still think of us. I still hope that one day we can be together. And although I can not seem to understand why, It still hurts.......

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